A Heart of Gratitude

God has been revealing where my heart truly is. I've been challenged by the Scriptures to look at myself and see some things that aren't so pretty. He has revealed to me how ungrateful I truly am in regards to His provision for me. His grace is amazing, and wholly undeserved, yet I find myself constantly coming back to Him with an entitled heart, asking for more. I have forgotten to make my first word to Him "thank you." Looking back at my prayers lately, God has shown me just how subtly selfish I can be. "Please God, provide, do this, do that" comes quickly out of my mouth.... but something is missing. My church is starting a 10 day devotional of prayer and fasting, and it has been incredibly eye opening and convicting already......and I'm only on day two! This is just a snapshot of what I've been learning:

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our "God is a consuming fire." Hebrews 12:28

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. Colossians 4:2

It's clear that God wants us to come to Him with our prayers and petitions. He wants us to bring our requests to Him each morning and wait in expectation for Him to act. (Psalm 5:3) But it is also clear that He wants us to praise Him. He wants the credit, for big and for small. He wants the glory due to His name. I think it's interesting that each speaks of prayer and thanksgiving. There cannot be one without the other. I cannot bring my requests to God without first being thankful in my heart for all that He has accomplished. And not just what he provides day to day, but for what far out-ways all other things -- the immeasurable riches of His grace that saved me from a life of despair and has brought me into new life.

Right now I am asking God to reorient my heart. To open my eyes to the grace He freely gives every day that I am still alive. I'm asking God to lead me toward repentance -- to tear down my idols, mainly myself, and to give me a heart that immediately calls God good for simply being Him. Not for what He can do for me, or what He may will to provide or not provide, but to worship and thank Him for being the author and perfecter of my faith, the One who called me out of darkness by His love, and continues to love me despite myself.

Jesus is the same.

Finally answering all my emails feels REALLY good. I need to step away now and just rest. Please pray for me. I struggle with crossing off a list of "to-do's" rather than relying on God to give me strength. I often fall into seeking perfection and acceptance from others rather than relying on God to care for my needs. It has been a really hard week, and I've pushed myself mentally more than I can handle. This isn't pleasing to Jesus. He doesn't want my accomplishments, He wants my trust, He wants my heart. It's refreshing to know that when I am at the end of my rope, even though it's been a hard week, God is in the business of making all things new, even me, even the days ahead of me. Regardless of my current condition, Jesus is still the same!

He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true. 

Revelation 21:5

 Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed; he answers him from his holy heaven with the saving power of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. 

Psalm 20:6-7

Please Pray:
- That I would know and believe that God doesn't want my accomplishments but that He wants my heart.
- That I would trust Him before trusting my own efforts.